Help unwanted

Help when it’s not wanted is not help.  It’s an intrusion; it invites rejection and resistance.

Removing unwanted help from an adult-child relationship can make much more and deeper learning possible, not to mention restore and sustain connections between adults and kids.  We don’t have to be any less attentive, vigilant, responsive, concerned, supportive, committed, determined, or clear in our expectations, boundaries, or beliefs and values to make this kind of transformation possible.  We just have to recognize that young people want to be successful as much as we do (and as much as we want them to be).  When we try to bypass that shared commitment, to override what motivates them in the present and the respect and acknowledgement they thrive on, we undermine our own well-intentioned efforts.